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I was pretty sure that I had a point earlier today, but it turns out that I really didn't. Ben and I had a horrible fight about nothing in particular, and right now I'm still in a bit of a quandrary about it. It's funny how such little arguments blossom into much larger problems, and it's even funnier how things are rushed back into perspective after you're alone. Sometimes I wonder if the anger I was feeling during the argument was borne out of any actual hurt or if I was just reacting to HIM in general. Going down this line of thought forces me to ponder why my anger towards Ben disappears after he has left. On the one hand, it could be that my logical mind has taken over after my emotional side has simmered down, thus letting me realize that we had just fought and argued over something incredibly small. On the other hand, it could be that I simply cannot bear to be alone and will excuse any particular hurt he has caused me to avoid it. Of course, this particular reason upsets me at the mere implication of it, as I abhor the thought of not being able to stand on my own two legs. I have trouble admitting that I need help after all, and I have even bigger trouble admitting that I need people in general. *sighs* The fact that I'm so against this reason probably means its the true one... I mean, when I think about it it makes perfect sense. Why else would Ben and I have stayed together for so long? Four years is hardly an eyeblink and God knows he's not the easiest person to be around... I used to say that life without love wasn't worth living, but isn't that still better than living with the wrong kind of love? Why am I so afraid to be alone? .................................................................
It behooves one to note that classes officially started last week, and yet tomorrow will be the first day I will actually go to school. Hardly a shining epogee of what model students should be, I think the biggest complaint my mother has about me is that I am simply Too Lazy. I dropped by last Friday and asked around, but almost half of the Fine Arts population wasn't done with enrollment yet (late reg as always). Henceforth, the professors seemed to not be entertaining classes as well. It's funny-- all the General Education classes started on time, (and majors in other colleges as well). Perhaps it's an artist thing. :/ I have mixed feelings about the relaxed atmosphere of our college, actually. On the one hand, one cannot truly put Art in a box-- it's hardly something to stamped, clamped, and sold off, you know? But on the other hand, being an artist really requires the utmost concentration and discipline. I'm something in the middle, I think, as I work my ass off whenever I paint and do my projects, but when it actually comes to *going* to class I often get sidetracked along the way. I used to believe that the end always justified the means, because what I love most is the quiet times in the middle of the night when it's just me and my canvas. The world is always kind of hazy around the edges at four in the morning, and everything seems like it's underwater. I don't do drugs, (I don't even smoke and I very seldom drink), but it's a pretty natural high to just stay up until the wee hours of the morning doing what you love. Of course, this is not exactly conducive to getting up for an 8:30 am class, so therein lies the problem. Plate gets finished and submitted, but regular classes don't get attended because of sleep-deprived stupor. *sighs*. What strange lives we artists lead... .................................................................
The party I did body and henna painting for last night turned out okay, though I really didn't make as much money as I'd hoped for. (It was acoustic night and the band was pretty good, so at least I enjoyed myself during the later hours.) I'm just glad the hostess let me off after midnight, because by that time everyone wasn't interested in getting painted on anymore. Some of my friends had a tarot booth beside me and it was interesting to see so many people lining up for them. Dealing in futures is profitable indeed, lol. Perhaps I should get into that, instead. :) In any case, I'm really close to finishing my costume for December and I'm so very, very excited about it. Fatima's going to the seamstress on Monday so she should be looking just spiffy as well. (I've long since given up on doing my own sewing, but when it comes to armor and such I'm willing to work on it for weeks on end.) A starwars theme for the annual UP Diliman Lantern Parade might be apt for our org, so we're probably going to have a lot of fun making TIE fighters and jedi robes and stuff. I adore December in UP. :D .................................................................
Holding the actual ticket to the Philippine Web Awards in one's hands really puts a whole perspective on things. Before this I was well and truly floored about the whole matter, but it was only when my tickets got delivered that I ACTUALLY believed it was REAL. Yes, I'm a hopeless sot. Yes, I'm a deliriously happy hopeless sot. If you've the time, please vote for FLIGHT at the Philippine Web Awards website. It's under the PERSONAL category. Wow. Still pinching myself to make sure I'm not dreaming... :D .................................................................
Wildly excited today. My brother finally bought his DVD writer and was nice enough to give me his old CD Writer as a hand-me-down. And of course, because I am happy to share the obligatory love, I am giving my mum my old DVD/CD rom. All our PCs get upgrades and everybody wins. :) Go us. Finally finished enrolling today and the only thing left is to actually pay at the registrar's tomorrow. It disturbs me that it only took me two days of waiting in line (!?) but I suppose the fact that I've only majors left explains this phenomenon. In any case, I've never been much of a fan of honors but I was bitterly disappointed when I computed my average for last semester. Apparently, I'd missed out on being a College Scholar by a lousy .05! (The cut-off average for College Scholars are 1.75. I have a 1.8, hence my aject dismay.) There's no way I'm going to be graduating with honors (my shift into Advertising pretty much ensured that I wouldn't finish in the allotted four years), and I was hoping to maintain CS for a few semesters to make up for it. *sighs* Arnis training hasn't started yet, but we should be gearing up again by next week. There's quite a lot of stuff we need to brush up on and I can't wait to get into the dojo again. :) .................................................................
Haven't blogged in four days and already I'm feeling quilty. Lol. Oh, the pressure... @_@ The second sem is starting and I have to enroll tomorrow-- definitely NOT a thing to look forward to in UP. CRS (online pre-registering) helps quite a bit, but I don't think anything will ever cut down the horrendous lines we have to go through anyway. I tend to stagger my enrollment throughout the week that is allotted to it, but I wasn't able to go last week because I was sick. That means I have about three days left to enroll, which sucks MIGHTILY. *sighs* Think happy thoughts, Lizzy. :P .................................................................
I caught a bad case of the flu the other day and I've basically been spending my afternoons in bed. Incredibly happy about getting into the FINALS of the Philippine Web Awards, however, so if you guys have the time, please drop by the site to vote for me. Vote online here: http://PHILIPPINEWEBAWARDS.com (Just register and click the vote link). In any case, I didn't win anything in the costume contest I entered last halloween, but I did get some gift certificates from the sponsors for joining. *Free action figures! Yay!* Lol.  My friend (and arnis demo partner) Fatima and I. :) Yes, the wings weighed a ton.  Incidentally, the two girls on either side of me in this pic were also costumed as angels from Magic: the Gathering. (From left to right: Serra Advocate, Desolation Angel (me), Defiling Tears). Yes, I know it was wanky to do the Charlie's Angels pose. My only excuse is that during Halloween, everyone's allowed to be a little silly. :) Er. Okay, a lot silly. :P EDIT: Just uploaded a brand-new addition to the Media section. Check out MASQUERADE, a chronicle of all my costumes in the past four years. :) .................................................................
Finished my costume early and fiddled with one of my Works in Progress. I've been painting this particular piece on-and-off for about three weeks now, and I'm pleased with how it's shaping up.
This is about 75% done, so please keep that in mind when viewing. (Click on the thumbnail above to access the image-- I'm not putting it up in the gallery til I actually finish it). Incidentally, I started this piece because I was feeling bad and needed some cheering up. Painting half-naked pretty boys has always been therapeutic for me, though this was sadly done without reference. (Lord knows I'm always looking for an excuse to get Ben to pose half-naked for me, but there you go.) :) In any case, stupidly excited about Halloween. My wings are quite large (I have no idea how it's going to fit into my little Echo), so I might have to smush it a bit to make sure. Lol. So I'll be a Slightly-Bent-Angel for the costume party instead. ;) Advanced Happy Halloween everyone! .................................................................
I absolutely CANNOT wait for Halloween. I am the World's Biggest Wanker when it comes to this holiday, because not only do I love to dress up, I also love to MAKE my costume. I've been working on the thing for AGES (hey, what's the use of being from Fine Arts if not to make a jackass of yourself during holidays?), and am fully prepared to make up for missing last Halloween. (Last year I was stuck at a club henna-and-face-painting rich kids, but this year I am happily missing all my gigs.) I got booked for a Masquerade party in mid-November, so hopefully I can make up for it then. (Incidentally, being a freelance graphic artist means taking whatever art-related job I can get.) Heh. In any case, finished both my portfolio website (www.TRINITYCROSS.net) and this COMMISSION a few days ago. I've a new web gig (local) and another art commission (this time from a client in Germany) lined up, so I should be okay for this month at least. :P The dry spell I was experiencing seems to have lifted, so November should be a good month if all goes well. :) .................................................................
Hi Guys! If you have the time, please vote for my site at the Philippine Web Awards (People's Choice Award- Personal category). People who vote via SMS have the chance to win weekly prizes themselves. :) My site's name is FLIGHT, under the Personal Site category. (Yes, you're here right now, lol.) :D Voting options below: Vote online here: http://www.philippinewebawards.com/ Vote via SMS here:
Just a quick, user-specific update: Vanessa, I received your email regarding a feature for your school mag, but yahoo kept bouncing my reply back to me (kicks yahoo). Please go right ahead-- thank you very much for your interest and support. :) Cheers! .................................................................
So I was getting one of my teeth fixed at the dentist's today, and while I was waiting for my X-Rays to come out the assistant gave me something to read. There were four stacks of ladies magazines on the table and ironically enough, she handed me the Inquirer. Idle time perhaps, because I don't read the newspaper, (I get my daily fix from GoogleNews), but I was bored so I ended up opening it anyway. There was a picture of the Katipunan overpass on the front page and the story below it was a Lifestyle piece discussing the 80 odd families living beneath it. It depressed the hell out of me but at the same time got me thinking. My thesis is coming up and I think it would be a good idea to try to angle it towards charity work. The design / communication problem shouldn't be too hard to reconcile if I used it to promote a charity organization. I mean, my parents feed street kids every Sunday and what do I do? Spend money on clothes and computer games. I live in Katipunan in my safe little village and yet these people live in shanties five minutes away from me. What the hell kind of world is this? I was driving home from Robinson's Metro East the other day and I noticed a literal hole-in-the-wall in one of the side streets I use to cut into Katipunan from Marcos highway. A tiny face was peering out at me as I drove past, and it was a somewhat rude awakening for me to realize that this was supposed to be someone's home. I pointed it out to Ben and he said, with a sad little smile, that that was how life worked. I find it ironic that someone who used to care so passionately about helping the poor has reduced his opinion to a shrug and a sigh, but I suppose giving several years to activist work is enough to pull any man down. It's times like these that I feel our age gap more than ever, and sometimes I wish I knew the UP that he knew. Students join rallies for the dumbest reasons nowadays, turning what should be a political statement into the latest party hangout. During EDSA 2 I went to all my classes and absented myself from the parties and raves going on. I remember asking a friend of mine why she was going, and she said that they were giving away free drinks. At this point, I don't really know which of us was right. I didn't go because I didn't care, and she went because she wanted free beer. I suppose the question that should be posed right now is this: Is it better to be absent because of apathy, or to be present but for all the wrong reasons? I'm looking at pictures of Payatas right now and it depresses me to think that UP students no longer care about helping other people. They care about free drinks at the next rally-turned-party, but they never stop to think about spending their time and energy on community work. Ben went to a UP that cared about LIFE, I'm studying in a UP that cares only about good times. Can ten years really have made that much of a difference, or has society in general just stopped caring? .................................................................
THIS contains all the angst and pent-up anger I've been carrying around against the Modern Art movement for much of my life. I find it extremely fitting that the statement was also made completely in Comics format-- a medium which critics regard as the lowest form of art. EAT THIS, you non-rep loving bastards. .................................................................
So I saw OPEN WATER today with Ben and my family. I didn't know quite what to make of it at the time, and four hours later I'm still at a loss for words. I don't precisely *dislike* it, but neither am I pleased about the emotions I experienced while watching it. I don't know, maybe I felt that it was too... real. I knew they were going for the Blair Witch mockumentary look and I do realize, in spite of myself, that the ending (the real ending, not that clip they snuck in during the credits), was handled in a very classy way. However, I still find myself unable to like it. I appreciate the fact that it was Real and I appreciate the fact that they didn't go for any cheesy drama bullshit, but it really just made me sick. If this had been a typical Hollywood movie, the ending would've been punctuated by a spectacular explosion of boats, helicopters, and gorgeous lifeguards riding in to rescue Susan. In OPEN WATER however, we are treated to the cold, heartless truth: there is no rescue. There is no moment of redemption or heroic sacrifice, nothing to make sense of life slipping through one's fingers. I mean, we all know that in Real Life, the chances of getting rescued from a million square miles of ocean is like a trillion to one, but come ON. Do I really need to see this in a theater? Real Life is cold, heartless, and fucking brutal. You know that, I know that, so why bother *saying* it? Life is taken senselessly everyday-- kids mow down other kids with machine guns, people are murdered without reason in their own homes-- NOTHING makes sense. I don't need a movie to tell me that there is no hope because I live in a world that reminds me of this. Every. Single. Day. I go to the movies to maybe forget that the world is not a nice place to live in for two measley hours. I mean, even a horror film is more palatable because after getting scared shitless I can lean back and say, "hey, it's just a movie". Not so with OPEN WATER. After watching this film I felt alternately sad, empty, and *furious*. Perhaps my brother summed it up best when we were having dinner afterwards, as he claimed that he'd have just cut his throat at the beginning and be done with it. Better to save himself the agony of floating around, terrified, for two days before ultimately being eaten by sharks. A true case, perhaps, of Real being *too* real, OPEN WATER is something I'd watch right before putting a bullet through my head. .................................................................
Sometimes I wonder if it's possible to cram one's proverbial foot in one's mouth several times in one day. The teammate I mentioned in the previous post was a no-show again today, and Fatima and I actually drove all the way to her house in Fairview to set her straight. Fully prepared to yell and/or make threatening gestures with our hands (and feet if necessary), we realized we'd made something of a mistake as soon as we got there. Apparently, her car had gotten hit by an idiot jeepney on her way to Commonwealth and her parents (obviously) were mightily pissed. So basically, she was getting flak from her dad while her two teammates were there telling her that she needed to get her act together. Needless to say, I felt like a perfect asshole. We told her that she could sleep on it and give us her decision on Monday. There's still time to find a replacement and God knows that we can't afford her wigging out two weeks before the actual competition. I mean, we're still prepared to adjust to her schedule, but only if *she's* prepared to start taking this seriously. The ball's in her court now. Let's just hope she makes the right choice. .................................................................
I don't think I've ever experienced a day so filled with ups and downs as this. When I woke up this morning I realized that I would be late for a meeting if I didn't rush like hell through lunch (yes, I woke up *that* late). The meeting had already been rescheduled as I'd COMPLETELY MISSED the previous one (ironically enough, that was the first time I'd ever EVER missed a client meet), and I wasn't about to screw it up again. So I ran out of the house and drove like a maniac, making it to my destination with about two minutes to spare. Amazingly enough, the meeting actually went well (the client was really decent about my missing the last one), and the day was actually starting to look up. I met up with Ben afterwards and, looking somewhat guiltily at the floor, he said that he'd forgotten to tell me a little something. Of course, this "little" something actually turned out to be quite a big thing: Our dojo's contact from the bag factory that we'd commissioned to make our equipment had called on him a week ago to collect. As I am officially the Public Relations Officer - cum -Treasurer of the dojo, it is MY job to pay said contact. However, since he'd neglected to tell me this beforehand, I realized I had to collect Php500 from everyone who hadn't yet paid for their equipment. I managed to get about half the people who hadn't yet paid to cough up by the afternoon, at which point Ben told me that I didn't have to pay in full yet. They had just needed a down payment to make sure that we weren't going to run out on them. Heh. It was at that point that I realized that, as much as I loved the bastard, I'd never really met anyone as INFURIATING as him. You see, I'd already managed to collect MORE THAN HALF of the amount we'd needed prior and was simply waiting for the rest of the stragglers to pay up. Ugh. In any case, after we paid off the bag people and went to the dojo for training, I got an SMS from the client saying that I'd gotten the job. This cheered me up considerably and I was, quite understably, on an adrenaline high during training. The irony of this, of course, is that one of my teammates in SYNCHRONIZED forms just absented herself for the second time in a row. Fatima, (my other teammate) and I agreed that we had to drop her or yell at her, or both. I mean, this isn't Pairs Forms or Singles Forms. This is a three-person kata that needs to be performed in perfect synch. After that disaster with the Nationals in sparring last month, this is our last chance to get into the South East Asian Games. There is NO WAY I am going to lose because one of my teammates got LAZY. So Fatima and I ended up training with just each other and considering that we were already demo partners before this, I think we did fairly well. However, as my coach always used to say: YOU ARE ONLY AS STRONG AS YOUR WEAKEST LINK. Two synchronized arnisadors aren't going to win the Forms Competition. It's three of us or nothing. >:( Like I said, ups and downs. It was an emotional roller coaster throughout the day, and apparently I hadn't gotten off it yet when I reached my house. Ladies and gents, this is what I came home to: FLIGHT is a semi-finalist in the 2004 PHILIPPINE WEB AWARDS. *drops dead* EDIT - Still on the rollercoaster. Just had a minor earthquake. Woah. .................................................................
It's been a while since I painted anything with tradtional mediums, and I was particularly pleased with how my latest piece turned out. It's acryllic on canvas and is 24"x19".
This piece, on the other hand, is sickly sweet and entirely commercial. It's one of a series of pieces I'm planning for my online store, and it's currently for sale as a Greeting Card pack of 6. :) Check out my store here.
Click either link to jump to my art gallery. (It's in the media>art gallery section.) Each piece fits in under its respective medium, so you'll have to scroll down a little for the traditional media section. :) .................................................................
It was my mother's birthday today and we ate at a strange Indian restaurant at the Fort. It was very expensive and they served us steaming gruel for dinner.
For a slightly longer account of my mom's dinner, check out the show-and-tell section (omg, the dinner was so disturbing it actually warranted an updatet!!), under the MEDIA section. (Or you can just click on the image above.) .................................................................
Spent the day watching Six Feet Under with Ben, (got the first season DVDs and we made it all the way up to episode 7). It was fun in a surreal sort of way since he's never seen it before and I watch it pretty religiously. The bits with Keith and Dave were the funniest bits because mostly I watched Ben watching it. :) He was embarassed and covered his eyes at first, but eventually he got over it (and himself). They're just people in love, after all, and if he can watch Nate and Brenda then he can certainly watch Dave. We ate cake and pot pies and haagen daiz ice cream and everything felt... right. Not perfect, but right. All my girlfriends kept giving me cake for my birthday so I ended up getting three different kinds of it (cheesecake, black forest, chocolate mousse). Of course, no one else has a sweet tooth so I have to get rid of all of it-- pretty easy feat when one has a fiancee willing to eat half of the damned thing in one sitting. :D In any case, things seem to be returning to normal. We talked a little about everything the other day and, well. He cried, I cried, and we decided to just step back and not take ourselves too seriously. Hence the vegetation in front of the DVD player, a therapy which I would gladly recommend to any couple reassessing their relationships. I mean, if you can't just sit and be together, then
what's the point of *being* together, eh? :)
I got my hair dyed today and took some snaps of it. It's been too long since I last put up pics of myself, lol. (Incidentally, it was supposed to come out blond-ish but came out brown. I haven't decided yet if I like it.) 
 Then again, I think I actually look exactly the same. @_@ (Media>NARCISSISM to access the gallery, or just click on the thumbnails above.) .................................................................
I had a very odd birthday. I went out with Ben and my bestfriend (and his girlfriend), and we met at a nice little Restaurant called Mylk in another city. The drive took me about an hour and a half and I was so sleepy during dinner that I was terrible, terrible company. :( It didn't help that the food I ordered was so odd (ostritch salpicao and steamed rice); I'd never tried ostritch before and I was curious and, well, I really didn't like the taste. :( *sighs* During the drive back home Ben and I didn't talk at all. I was tired and irritable and he was upset that *I* was tired and irritable. @_@ Now that I'm back home and showered and ready for bed, I can't help but have second thoughts. I've been with Ben for four years and he's the only man I've ever been with. I mean, I dated before him but he was the first *real* relationship I ever had. Am I really ready to marry this guy? His mother is such a great lady-- she's always so warm and inviting... kind of like a mom away from my mom. When Ben and I visited their place by the beach last summer it was like paradise. White sand, clear water... It seems like the perfect life, you know? But I just don't know if I'm ready for it. Deep down, I can't help but wonder if I'm in love with Ben or the safety he represents. We may fight like crazy, but deep down I know he won't leave me. At this point I don't know if the only reason I'm still with him is because I'm scared of being alone. This is not good.
The irony of turning 21 is that I can no longer excuse any mistakes I make by pleading Youth. Whether this is a Good Thing or a Bad Thing, I can't yet tell. Either way, I'm turning 21 tomorrow, and for good or ill I'm legally an adult. Great. I went to Ice Monster with Ben and two of my girlfriends from High School earlier this evening, and they got me a mini-black forest cake at Red Ribbon as an early birthday present. It was a really sweet gesture and something of a tradition, as they've been getting me mini-cakes from Red Ribbon since fourth year high. :D In any case, I'll be going to Greenbelt tomorrow with Ben and my bestfriend Peter (and his girlfriend), for dinner. My brother says Milk is a classy-looking but not too pricey place to eat, so I figure I'll treat them out there if I don't see anything else. (Beats eating Korean, because God knows we eat that every. Single. Day.) @_@ Last year we ate at Zen, this Japanese resto in Glorietta. It was pretty expensive, though, but at the time I had just gotten paid for a project so it was okay. I'm kind of broke right now, so I suppose it's fitting that I'm looking for a less-expensive place. And, of course, mother insists I go some place to get noodles. Tch. Being only half-Chinese, I figure I can stay away from the canton and settle for Italian. After all, spaghetti still qualifies as noodles and long life is still acquired by injesting bits of water and flour. *rolls eyes* Aiiyah! ................................................................ MORE? CHECK OUT MY ARCHIVE HERE. |
